Porn Addiction?

[Andi G]

We have been married 15 years but his porn addiction is really starting to hurt our marriage, he has been doing various things behind my back (pardon the pun!!) such as ordering videos (this was before DVD's were more common) from 'Your Choice' discs (in Amsterdam) allegedly to sell at a higher price to his workmates, I also found a cheque made out to 'DMX' which was an adult video place + a note written out to someone saying he would be putting another order in soon of the same style of videos - this was all from 1996 onwards, then he has progressed to keeping pictures of his favourite women in tights and holdups & nothing else on his desktop, I found these last year, we have talked and I have asked him to go to counselling as we obviously have a huge problem - to the men reading this I know you will say I should just let him have his porn & let him be a man etc - but this is really affecting my life, how do I broach this problem again without causing a huge argument??

[littleluvkitty]

wow seems like you are really hurting. ask yourself why this is affecting you so much. what about this can't you stand. then when you have the answer go to him and tell him how you feel. and if you think you need to tell him to choose the porn girls or your marriage. good luck.

[Robb the B.D.C.]

Watch it with him and bash one out while he's watching. He'll love it.

[twstd08]

try watching with him and if hes makin a little cash on the side shut up about it

[veerfish]

porn addiction is just as bad as drugs. mabey even worse. you have to make a deal with him that the porn is not in the house, period. if it is tell him that you will destroy it. and do it. if he goes on line, break the computer. you either live with it or you don't . i have children and grand children and when i see it i destroy it right then and there.

[munkypunch]

you should get pissed, and you typing on your computer tells me that you aren't doing what you're supposed to be doing, which is kicking the crap out of your husband. fight. make a big deal.

[Sandy Ego]

Is it really "porn addiction", or does he just like to watch porn every once in a while and you have a problem with it? From what you've described it doesn't sound like an addiction - more like a hobby. But regardless of what you call it - if it's making your life intolerable, you guys need to talk about it and come up with a solution, together. If he's not willing to give it up, and you're not willing to tolerate it, the only possible solution is divorce - but I'm sure if both of you are willing to compromise, you can come up with something and keep your marriage together. You can't simply give him ultimatums and tell him to give it up... if this is what he likes, you'll have to make allowances for it and turn a blind eye to some degree.

[*Seany*]

i think that you need to explain how he is making you feel. i think that no-one can say 'just let him get on with it' when it obviously is affecting you so much. i would say that if you explain how much this affects you then he shouldnt hav a problem with it. and if he sees how much it affects you he should care enough to do something!at the very least you should be able to reach a compromise, also consider that many healthy couples choose to watch porn together which makes it exciting for both in the relationship and make him want to save watching it until he's with you - meaning your always involved!

[Donnie H]

he can look at books an all , only you can get there ,bring it home.

[Vedo]

Porn is nothing less than disgusting! How many times in 15 years did you tell him NO, or I'm not in the mood, or whatever you know where i'm going..... Maybe he found his own solution. If you never told him no then honey tell him he can have his hand and his movies.... you want a divorce because you need a d!ck...

[AUNTY EM]

I think it should be enough for him to know that you don't like it. If you were doing something he didn't like, you would make an effort to stop doing it and he now has that choice. Porn is not a necessity for men and women, its an indulgence for people who enjoy the depersonalisation of sex as a way of getting off. Its not healthy or amusing, its sad and pathetic. If there were strange people humping on your living room floor everynight you wouldn't be amused so why does it make a difference because its on a screen? In essence, unless this man proves he respects you and gets a grip of his problem, then he isn't worth having around. Its a myth that most men enjoy porn, in my entire life I have met 3 men who used porn regularly. Two of the three would have disposed of the porn if their gfs didn't like it - the third was obssessed, unwilling to give it up and probably is still single! In most cases, you find that if a naked woman is strutting about he will look but its not that important to him. You should be the priority and any sneaking about for whatever reason is also unacceptable.

[bokonnon]

If he's sitting around wanking off on the couch while you are vacuming the rug, or leaving soiled kleenex all over the place, then he's got a problem. I don't like the sounds of him leaving pictures up on his desktop. But they guy is entitled to a little privacy, and yes, even a fantasy life. He needs to be discreet though, otherwise he's invading YOUR privacy, not the other way around. You might not like the idea of pornography, but it's totally natural for even a grown, married man to 1) Enjoy ejaculation enough to want to do it on a fairly frequent basis, and 2) to either wnt or need VISIAL stimulation in order to achieve said ejaculation and/or sexual stimulation. Do you object to him masturbating? If yes, get over it unless your religion tells you otherwise. Then go talk to your priest. If no, then ask yourself, if him wanting sexual gratification by huimself is okay, then why isn't it okay for him to seek the visual stimulation that men need? Would it be okay if he were reading romance novels in order to get stimulated for a healthy orgasm? Why, because YOU would find that stimulating and you don't find pictures of naked people stimulating? You might feel as though he's looking at other women because he doesn't love you anymore. You need to talk with him if this is that case. If he can't reassure you, the problem with your marriage isn't about his habit of looking at pitures of naked women.My best advice to you is to tell him that what he does in his private time is his business but you don't want to have to know about it (short of him frequenting prostitutes or downloading child pronography). Then, as long as he honors that, try to forget all about it. And don't worry.

[shelschenk]

There is counselling available. It sounds like he may have an actual problem and need help! All the complaining in the world wont make a difference, but someone trained in the right areas can and do help!Make sure you let him know how you feel and that it is not ok for him to do this. Let him know why its wrong, in your eyes, for him to be doing this! Some women think it leads to cheating. Some think it is cheating. Wrong on both. Guys are more visual than women are. They like to see it more than experience it sometimes! Hope that helps!