life expectancy w/ stage 4 colon cancer mest to

[badabadabling]

lung and liver? I know i'm asking for an ans for which there is no definitive one...here goes. My boyfriend was diagnosed w/colon cancer 4 years ago. had surgery, chemo, radiation, removed large section of colon. 2 years ago and pretty much non-stop, chemo, radiation, then mest to lymph nodes, lungs and liver. had cryo laser surgery done in nov, said was good. but then got lung infection, cea up to 49, 3 weeks later, 156, Jan 2 Cea 250 w/ 15 lesions on liver, excructiating pain, still doing 10 chemo pills ago (not responding). went to er last night, liver's enlarges, sent him home w/ stronger pain pills (was vicadine, not sure what now) but still has to double up to minimize pain. He's given up,(is pretty mean) says the doc's haven't given him a time frame but told me not to buy him a birthday present (aug). he refuses to talk about it, says it will jsut upset me. I say I have a right to know. help? ideas? timeframe? he's 55

[L S]

It doesn't sound good. If he's telling you not to buy him a birthday gift, the doctor probably gave him a prognosis. As his girlfriend, you probably really don't have any rights, but out of decency, he should tell you. However, it's probably really difficult for him to be decent right now knowing that he probably doesn't have much longer on this earth and that his last days are going to be very painful. What are his religious beliefs? Does he believe in heaven and hell? At the end of life, people will have a lot of concerns, and sometimes they just curl up into themselves and try to keep everyone outside. It's an effort to protect those around him, but it is hurting them instead. Let him know that you love him, that it will be hard for you to see him this way, but that you want to spend as much time with him as possible. Home health hospice could help.

[blue chaos]

Oh dear. He's afraid. I think that the docs gave him a timeframe, and he doesn't want to accept it. The only thing you can do is to be there for him.

[jems]

i am sorry to hear this but if your boyfriend is stage four it means he is terminal. it could be 6 months to a year. seek some counseling

[suellenh]

He needs to discuss better pain control with his doctor; they could offer him a morphine pump to help with this. I've recently had a friend die of metastatic CA; she'd asked me to pray that she would die in her sleep. I don't pray per se but each day I did ask that this gift be given to her, and she did die in her sleep one night.You can't make your BF tell you what he doesn't want to; all you can do is support him in any way you can think of. Some people are able to talk about impending death, others are not. This is a terrible situation for him to be facing, but it's just as difficult for you - you both have my sympathy.I'm sorry I'm not able to give you time lines.

[Jesus rocks]

Just going by the info given I would say, he is right that he might not see his next birthday. You might do some research on the stages of dying. It sounds like he is in the acceptance stage. It might be helpful for yourself, and allow you to be more of what he needs(not that I'm saying you aren't right now). I have some training in helping the dying as a "Stephen Minister". It has been a little while, and I have never actually had a case yet (Thank God), but I do know that there are definitely stages, The loved ones also go through the same stages, but at their own rate, and at times that may not be very helpful if you know what I mean. An example might be that he is in the acceptance stage ,and you might be in the denial or bargaining stage. Anyway this isn't really what you asked but, I think it will be helpful to you at some point. Maybe there is even some info on-line. Also a hospice maybe able to give you some reading suggestions, maybe even a support group.If you attend a church, It maybe that they have a "Stephen ministry program" or if they do not then they might be able to put you in contact with a church that does.May God bless you both, and strengthen and comfort you.You may e-mail me if you wish.EDIT: You do not have to belong to a church or even be a christian to ask for a Stephen Minister.

[ann l]

Hon, He needs to talk with you and his doctor,I am not god but I am a Hospice nurse , you both need hospice. Even if he has a year or six months. They can help you with pain issues, he needs morphine and several different drugs that will help him. ann

[LazlaHollyfeld]

No, you don't have a right to know. No one does. Not his docs, nor he, nor you, can know how much time he has. That he told you not to buy him a birthday gift indicates that he believes he won't be around that long, but the universe doesn't supply that information to anyone.You might, however, begin talking with him about hospice care. If he refuses, it wouldn't hurt for you to call and ask if they can at least help you. Though I don't feel terrible about it, I wish I'd contacted hospice before my youngest child died. For one thing, I would have recognized the signs of imminent death, and perhaps he could have died at home, instead of in the hospital. Not a huge deal, but I regret waiting.You're in a tough spot, and need all the support you can get. No matter how long he's got, you love him and want to help him be happy and comfortable, and working out ways to do that will help you feel stronger, and make him stronger too.It would also help you begin to say and do the important things you will wish you had said and done if he dies. At the end, people who have been very sick don't always have the strength or desire to interact with others much. They seem focused on a very personal journey.Obviously he doesn't want to see you upset, which is pretty selfish of him, but pain and fear would probably make most of us selfish. Still, you need to have a person or group to share your pain with. Maybe he'll get better and outlive you. (And that's not 'false hope,' it's just hope.) But if he doesn't, and anyone says, "Well, at least you had time to prepare," you have my permission to punch them in the nose!L.***Edit*** And, for heaven's sake, don't let anyone try to convince either of you that there are "stages" through which you must pass! While many learned people believe that, many others do not. Each death, just as each life, is unique, and so is each grief.

[Denisedds]

From what you describe it sounds like he has less than 6 months. I am not a doctor, but I am a cancer registrar so I do see a lot of cancer cases. Tell him you understand if he doesn’t feel like talking about it, but ask if he would give his doctor permission to discuss his condition with you as that would make you feel better and try to go to his next appointment with him. I don’t think he wants to keep you in the dark, I just think he is having a hard time talking about it, to anyone.