How do I keep from crying at the idea of

[Shelly P]

abortion being better than adoption?? I am shocked and physically sickened at some of the answers I've seen here.. People who say that abortion is BETTER than adoption.. I cannot understand it..Let me tell you a bit about myselfAt 16 and still no period, I eventually found out I will never have my own biological children. My brother married at 22, now has two beautiful children (3 and 4 months).. I love those children.. I'm 27.. never married, and don't know when or if (not for lack of wanting to) I will ever marry.. But I want so badly to be a mother.. Either way.. there's only one way I could ever be a mother.I have done more research into abortion methods, what actually happens to the BABY.. HOW it's killed.. (Face it people! It's heart is beating.. it is alive..then it is dead).. I've done more research than many women who've had 3 abortions.. How can I not get sick and cry when people saying that abortion is better than adoption??I think I'm really depressed right now..I in no way think that adoption is better than KEEPING the baby, unless the mother thinks it is..3 YEARS, and 4 months.. my brother's kids are.. in case anyone was confused..

[caseyhendo22]

i understand exectly what you are saying~it makes me cry to, i never thought i would have kids either and now i have 2 year old and another on the way, but honey some people just don't care about anyone but themselves. good luck and best wishes.

[WIZ!!]

It depends on what part of the world you live in. In a 3rd world country where there is no resources for adoption agencies I would hate to see the poor child have to literally starve to death.It can go both ways.There are illegal dirty abortion houses where sometimes the patient dies because of malpractice but is willing to take the chance because of a unwanted pregnancy.

[Lucy in the Sky]

This is a question...? How?I understand and agree with what you are saying. There are lots of kids out there up for adoption looking for a wonderful, caring woman like yourself to be there mother. Abortion is awful... but I do believe it is ok under certain circumstances(such as rape, for example...)Anyway keep your head up and think positively!

[Cathi H74]

id day it sounds like you need either a very good friend or counselor to help you walk your way carefully towards healthy feelings how does your spirituality come into play ? can it help you?

[tone]

i am sorry. while i feel for you and undestand your situation and why you feel the way you do, sometimes adoption is not the anser for some people and you may not agree, but a lot of very immature young girls, decide on adoption and then take money from unsuspecting couples and never sign over baby, or come back for baby, etc. These types are giving adoption bad name and therefore, adoption needs to be more controlled. Plus a lot of young girls are scared of how baby will be treated and they do not see embryo as baby.....You need to accept that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and not get upset and cry.

[Aaron W]

I can see where you're coming from but people who comes from different backgrounds share different values. I'm sure you've heard/read what some other women has to say about why abortion should be legal and it should be a choice. I know I can go on and on about why abortion is or can be a positive thing but it seems like you'll never agree with us. This is an on going battle it's not just gonna settle like that... I hope you understand what some of them are trying to say... and let it be a choice

[mscrawdad]

I appreciate your viewpoint and understand it completely. But others, including myself, have our own problems and must make our decisions based on our own situation.

[laxchik1117]

i just wanted to leave a comment about something that had happened to me with this topic.im adopted. my birth mother was 16 and fooled around on prom nite. nine months later there i was and she gave me up because she knew that i would have it better.i was at a debate a few months back about partial birth abortion being legal. fyi for those of you who wonder why its illeagal thats where they deliver the baby put the head inside the mother n suck its brains out with a needle. the head is left in so that the mother cant hear it scream in pain as it dies. each one of the pro speakers got up and said how those of us who are adopted live terrible second rate lives and abortion is better than adoption because no one could ever love us. and basically we are second rate people who dont deserve to live.so yeah all of you people who think abortion is so great im pretty sure many people you know even in ur family wouldnt exisit if someone along the way aborted. in my family alone i wouldnt be here my mother wouldnt be here and my uncle. which means my uncles kids wouldnt be here and their kids wouldnt be here either. whole generations would be gone and we will eventually abort ourselves out of existence if it becomes any more acceptable to use it as birth control.

[Clarise O]

It's time for you to put your time to good use and not get sickened by choices out of your control. God will take care of the babies and those who choose to murder them.Why don't you volunteer in a children's hospital and share your love with those who are in need of a friend? You never know who you may meet...someone who needs a woman with compassion and a desire to bring some joy into their life!

[nickeypia18]

I don't know how in any way anyone can possibly think abortion is good. How many women out there that can not have children or how many women can have children but for some reason have a miscarriage. That is the worst feeling in the world. These JERKS out there have no hearts if they think aborting is better than adopting. You know what if you dont wanna have a child then protect yourself. But there is no need to kill such an innocent being. I am at work and now my eyes are watery because that is just terrible to do any human being even less an innocent child

[Gracie Ray]

Suppose you are 15, have been raped by your uncle several times since 13, and now you find out your pregnant, by your uncle. How do you deal with a situation such as this. Not all people get abortions because they are irresponsible. I, by no means, agree with abortions for those who use drugs, are alcoholics, and get pregnant all the time. However for those who are in rough situations, how do you suppose they live with this their entire life. There are so many difficulties in both adopting out and aborting. However some reason are better for each way out. The ultimate problem isn't abortion. It's why these people are getting pregnant in the first place? Obviously rape is no match, but for those who have sex just to do so, then turn around and have abortions or adopt out. Those are the true issues. You need to attack those that are abusing the power rather than choosing the better route for themselves and the baby. I guess you would have to be on the other side of the spectrum to understand the true victims emotional catastrophes.

[kwgng]

i will never think abortion is better than adoption. my aunt is 37 and married for 7 years and still wanting a child which she will do anything to have. when she was young she had an abortion and now she is facing the effects. she has done even the fertility program but it didn't work, prayed to God but still no answer. she is stiil trying. i'm 18 and pregnant. when i found out i also had toughts of abortion and keeping the baby but could hardly decide. But with God's strenght im keeping the baby. abortion is not good, be strong and u should consider adoption.

[amyburt40]

Because some of us live adoption. Adoption has been known to kill adoptees. I know several adoptees who have committed suicide. I know of many cases where the adoptive parents have killed the adoptee. Some of us have been hurt badly by adoption. I too have wished that I could have been aborted. Thus being born into a family that really wanted me and who I looked like.

[Kacnas]

I'm 18 and i was adopted 9 years ago. Until then i was in foster care. My opinion on abortion has always been for it but only under certain circumstances like rape. But i don't think they should just have the right to kill the baby if it will complicate their lives. You shouldn't have done it at all if you weren't ready for the consequences. But i don't think abortion is better then adoption. The problem is that kids aren't always adopted right away like myself. Not saying i have had a bad life but you could really tell which families were doing it for the money and which ones weren't. It wasn't really fun jumping from house to house either. Well not sure if that helps at all but just thought I'd vent a little.

[Bearcats18]

I think abortion is very bad.What I think what you should do is adopt a child and love it with sll of your heart

[lauriejbaker]

Although I don't think abortion is a great thing, people who choose it normally don't want to carry to full term. They aren't likely to decide to carry to full term, simply to give the child up. I have known women who said there was no way the could do that, so they ended up getting abortions. Deciding to relinquish or to abort very often comes from two different lines of thinking, based firstly on whether or not the mother wants to carry to full term.I understand the hurt of not being able to conceive. I never could, either. I think it would be good for you to seek a counselor to help you deal with the loss of being able to have a child, and to grieve that. That helps to overcome the anger that comes when thinking about how it's not fair that these women who don't even want kids or who abuse kids can get pregnant when I couldn't. I know I would have those thoughts. But, being angry at those other women didn't change anything for me. I still hurt and needed to work through those feelings.I hope the very best for you. Remember that despite everything, if you want to adopt, there are so many children in foster care who have no families. They need that love and stability that a family can give them. Sadly, there is no shortage of these children.Best to you,Laurie

[yeppers]

I've seen videos on Youtube of abortions. I don't know how those drs. live with themselves. They literally pull limbs out and murder a living baby. That baby should have rights. It could not stand up for itself. It's temporary home inside it's mother should have been safe. I can't believe humans think they can remove a baby's rights. People who are for abortion were born. They were able to be born, so should everyone else. I only agree with removing a child from a mother if the mother is going to die. That is IT!! Rape is a terrible thing. But in no way should an innocent child's life be taken because of it! Good comes from everything. God gave a raped woman a little miracle! If she can't look at her blood child, then she can give it to a mother who cannot birth her own. Safe surrender it for Pete's sake! Then no one has to know, but that human can be given life just as it should. It's so insane that people think that it's o.k. to murder a child inside it's mother, but then once it's out, the person is insane and must be locked up or murdered for what she did, but it is the SAME THING!!! Every aborter is a MURDERER!!

[french7suzi]

There's a lot going on here. First of all, you seem to be very sad about never being able to pass on your genetic material to a child. But there are many other ways you can have a baby. You could get an egg from a female relative and have it fertilized with a husband or boyfriend...or someone else, doesn't matter. You could carry it if it's just your ovaries that are problematic...your uterus is in fine shape, correct? You could get a surrogate...it's be coming popular and affordable in India. And I have not even mentioned adoption yet. I have found that if you really want to be a mother, there are plenty of options. Children are not rare on this earth...ever been to Mexico?You really sound sad about not being married. Maybe that's the problem. In my opinion, it's a lot harder to get married that become a mother. And I married for the second time at only 34! I suggest seeking therapy...maybe you feel inadequate because of your ovary situation, and that's why you find meeting the right men so difficult.Why does the abortion thing bother you so much? I think you're jealous, and I don't blame you one bit. It must be so awful reading about teenagers who give birth in school bathrooms or have abortions when you can't get pregnant at all. It doesn't seem fair. And also, you may picture every unwanted baby as a possible baby for you. So I do see why it's so upsetting.So, what to do? Stop reading about abortions for now. You aren't getting one, so leave it to the people who have to make that choice...BE GLAD YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT because it's a rotton one (I've made it myself). Next, seek some therapy and get that man-finding on track. Then, when you're married/in a serious relationship, talk to him about which avenue BOTH of you should pursue about getting this family wagon on track. You WILL be a mother. Even if you never end up being pregnant, remember that no one experiences everything...climbing a mountain, living in France, having a baby. Adoption doesn't make you any less a mother. And in the meantime, enjoy those adorable little nieces and nephews!

[Erin L]

Hey, sweetheart. I have been there with you my friend. I found out my ovaries didn't work when I was 12. You are 27 now, hon. I think you really need to find help in dealing with your infertility grief, especially before you consider adoption possibly in the future.

[joslin]

I just want to respond to one part of your longggg question.You said:"I in no way think that adoption is better than KEEPING the baby, unless the mother thinks it is..."THIS is what adoptions is! A mother, who believes that adoption is better for the baby than her parenting her child.I think we need to put the responsibility (and credit) for adoption where it belongs, with the mother. This is her decision. Period.

[Peaness]

I've only seen a couple mention that it is 'better' than adoption if the people having the child is in no way mature enough to handle a child. Would you rather have a child that is abused? Most likely SOME (definitely not all) who choose abortion wouldn't even do the 'right' thing to get that child adopted. Would it be better for an abortion to occur or for a child to be raised in an abusive environment?I'm not one to say that abortion is 'better', however from that one thread about which is more 'emotional' yes I feel that the whole adoption process is more emotional overall than having an abortion. I suggest if reading this stuff makes you cry to stop reading it. It's really as simple as that. I'm not saying this to be mean in any way but if it really bothers you hang out with those that have the same views as you so that you don't have to see how other people really feel. I just wanted to say there is no in between of being pro-life or pro-choice. If you're for the choice of having an abortion if a woman is raped...then you're a pro-choice. Laxchik - Even tho, I'm pro-choice I'm totally against abortion past the 1st trimester partial birth abortions sickens me. (sorry off topic but had to respond to her comment) Just because somebody didn't choose to abort me doesn't mean that is to be held above my head like they deserve a medal.

[Mom2fivegirls]

To answer or not to answer.What you need to know about me is that i am an adoptive mom. i lost a daughter that was stillborn. As a result of this birth, i was told i would never have children again. Heres that part that i never tell ppl. At 26 wks i was told that my baby was incompatible with life. She had no lungs and no urinary tract, heart and brain problems. As a result there was no aminotic fluid and my body was crushing her. Her head was pear shaped and in as little as a day or two her head would implode from the pressure. With every kick i wondered if it was her last and if her head had imploded yet. We decided to induce labor since three doctors gave her 0% chance at life. The doctors also said if you believe babies in utero feel pain your daughter is in a great deal of pain. She died in labor and had a head. I was able to hold her and love her and say good bye. It will forever be on my medical record that i aborted my baby. I refused to give her the shot of potassium chloride in the heart to kill her. Still an abortion either way.Each of us have our own personal reasons for the decisions we make in life. You cannot fully understand someone and their choices before you walk a mile in their shoes. I am pro choice I am glad i had the choice to end my daughters suffering instead of delivering her in pieces. Yes i am a murderer and i will face my maker for that one.I do not at all see the correlation between adoption and abortion. If a woman chooses not to abort she still has two choices: parenting or adoption. I do not believe anyone should be pushed or talked into placing a child for adoption. It has to be her choice freely and fully. Thankfully the agency we chose agrees with us that is why 3 out of 4 of their adoptions don't happen.As impossible as it is for me to believe that some people go thru all of the adoption red tape only to abuse or neglect their children. I do believe it happens. I was an abused child in every sense of the word. I didn't look like anyone in my family and hoped i was adopted. No luck there. I was their biological child. My childhood was the worst. I will never speak to those people again. I often wished i was aborted. So i can see where some adoptee say it would have been better to be aborted than to go through their painful childhoods. We are all at different places here in this forum. I only had to deal with infertility for 2 long years. It was a horrible feeling I remember that. I lived in darkness until my adopted daughter came along, thats why i call her sunshine. (eventually i did get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby)I have been in counseling my whole adult life. I will always be in counseling. There is nothing wrong with that. So i have no problems telling to go to counseling. I had to learn how to be available and how to be attracted to the "good boy". There was no way i was going to marry an alcoholic and continue the cycle it would end with me.Don't look at life as what you don't have rather what you do have. You have your health, You have your family, You have a big wonderful world out there. Live it! Date, get married and have a family any way it comes to you. Adopt it is wonderful and beautiful if done correctly. I wish you all the best. Please go to counseling or find a support group. Please don't find my words condescending, I'm just a little older and because of that a little wiser.(hopefully lol)One the plus side, I embrace my torturious childhood. It made me who i am today. I am proud of myself and extremely happy. I have 5 beautiful children and a wonderfully supportive, loving husband and we enjoy our lives by living it everyday is a gift. GL

[Problem Child]

Wow, you are so judgemental, and totally unrealistic. People shouldn't have sex unless they're willing to have a baby? Seriously, what century are you living in? There isn't a snowball's chance in hell that every woman who gets pregnant will be willing to have the baby. The reason why abortion was legalized in the first place, was because women were dying getting dangerous, unsterile abortions ANYWAY, even though it was illegal. I suppose you would like to go back to pre-1973 and have the baby aborted AND the woman dying too?You live in a fantasy if you think that if abortion were to be made illegal that women would stop having them. Women would have them or try to do it themselves, just like they used to do, and they would be dying of it, just like they used to. Why don't you do a little research into Roe v. Wade...go ahead, you can cry while your doing it....and then stop seeing the world in black and white absolutes and come back here and tell us all what you've learned. I'm an RN and I've probably seen more sad things than you will in your whole life. When you start seeing people as individuals who aren't perfect then your outlook starts to change, and you don't judge others quite so harshly. I'm not particularly fond of abortion, either, nor would I participate in them, but I don't rag on the nurses who do, nor do I feel that they should be abolished. The ramifications are much more complicated than how you're looking at them. I'm sorry you can't have your own children, but you shouldn't judge other women who choose not to carry their pregnancy for whatever the reason...it has nothing to do with you or your infertility.

[AJB]

My husband I cannot have kids either. I understand where you are coming from. I don't like the idea of someone aborting a baby that my husband and I could care for. It makes me very sad. But the fact of the matter is that people will do what they want. We live in a godless country and I don't know what it is going to take to change that.

[query weary]

I was adopted and, quite frankly, I wish I had been aborted. I know you probably think I'm a horrible person for saying that, but I don't care because it's the truth.I have had a very unhappy life, and I have tried suicide. It's definitely not freaking funny when I see people on here making fun of slitting wrists...I have the scars on my wrists that remind me every day of how close I was to ending it all. Unfortunately for me, slitting your wrists is a really hard way to kill yourself, I'll try a better method next time.I'm not sure what the statistics are for adoptees and suicide, probably nobody bothered to keep them. I do remember that the therapist I had when I was a teenager (I've had lots of therapy btw) told me that, although adoptees comprise 3-4% of the total population they make up about 35% of those that get therapy or that end up in mental institutions. It's quite shocking to think about. You think that just because someone is adopted by a loving family, they will have a good life? You are very, very naive.

[grapesgum]

For me I think that abortion is horrible and I could never have one. However, I also think that it is horrible for anyone to expect another woman to endure a pregnancy and then give her precious child away. It is dehumanizing to think of another woman's womb and the child in her womb as a commodity belonging to someone else. It is really none of your business how other people manage their lives, and it is futile to try to control other people. Work on your own life first. Have you looked into adopting a child who is already here? Thousands of children need homes.Beating people over the head with the abortion morality stick while openly wanting to take a baby away from someone screams of exploitation and self entitlement. Some organizations have finally figured out that the most effective way to prevent abortions is help mothers and fathers to parent their children. Some churches have converted their adoption mills of the baby scoop era into residences for young families and help them with job training, health care, and day care. If abortion truly sickens you, why not help support the efforts one of these organizations?