I am in a long distance relationship. And my...

[Anja]

...boyfriend is now telling, me that he wants to be free from me.? He says he loves me, but could not do more, or does not want to do more to resolve our problem of distance. I am trying to make things work, like getting a job where he is right now, in Germany, but it's really very difficult for me. I've tried many times, and I'm still trying. It would have been realistic and easier for him to get a fulfilling job and high paying job where I live right now but he is reluctant to do so. The truth is I feel I can't live without him. But I don't want to keep him "mine" if he wants to be "free". I've never loved this way, and it hurts so much. Can you please share your experiences with me if ever you were in the same situation? All answers in French, Italian, German or English are welcome. Thanks.The reason that I said "I cannot live without him and that I never loved this way..." is because our relationship underwent many trials for the last four years and a half. I had many opportunities to date other guys, and so did he with other girls. But there is just no one out there like him. Well, our relationship is one of those that bloomed in hardship. It's too long to give you the details here. And it's really not easy to let go afterall the sacrifices we both made. We tried many times breaking up. We broke up the last time (via long distance), and still managed to come back to each other. We met last August in Beijing, after we broke up for 3 months. We found out that the feelings we still loved each other. He want me to set him free but tells me "I love you and you will always be an important part of me". I don't know what to think. I would rather hear " I don't love you anymore, and I have met someone else". That would be easier to take.

[Christine M]

I'm sorry to hear that. Long distance relationships can be heart wrenching...I know...I was in one too.Ultimately no matter how much we cared about each other, it was unrealistic for us to be together.Whatever happens in your situation, I wish you true happiness in the long run.

[Sweetnes]

I have been their my fist love moved away and instead of him telling me how he felt he cheated and i always said if he would of just told me i would of took it better. So here it is he is telling you take that and run with it you can only try for so long don't give up on your life for someone that wont alter theirs for you start new sweetie. Trust me your true love will never ask you to change your whole life they will work with you. LIVE AND LEARN

[fastenmen]

Sorry to hear That. I have answered a simular Question before! I was in the unhappy Position to work in the USA and my Loved One was in Germany, after about 6 Month being apart, I have decided to move back to Germany just to be with her!! We lived together for 6 Years, although we never got married.We split up 1 Year ago for some stupid Reasons and guess where I am now.................. You right, back in the USA. The Moral of my Story is, it takes 2 to Tango, but one of us always has to make a decission!!Good Luck

[bobbilee]

Most likely he has met someone else.Just go on with your life.You can't make him want you.

[lazlouz2001]

Sorry to hear that. I have very much been there, done that! I was once engaged to a Lebanese guy. I went to Beirut to visit lots of times, and we went to Egypt together too. He treated me like a princess and we were very much in love. However, the engagement was sort of conditional. I said that he had to get a visa to come here, without it being anything to do with me, because I know people would have said he was just after a passport or whatever. In the end, he couldn't do it, so we ended the relationship. It was the most painful relationship I've ever been through. The worst part was always leaving him at the airport - I couldn't go through that again.This was about 5 years ago now, and in retrospect, I think it ended for the best. I don't think that he would have been happy here - he is very family and friend orientated, and the culture that he is used to is so different from what he would have had here, I know he would rather have been at home. Similarly, I wouldn't have been happy there, so I think it ended for the best really. Its taken me a long time to get over though - I'm still single 5 years later...

[Krizia ^_^]

Well, it really is hard to maintain a relationship wherein you are separated by distance, well, if you can really help solve the problem by moving to where he works then do so to save your relationship. If you can do that then I believe he won't leave you or give up on your relationship. If he really loves you actually... he should be the one helping find a way, he might just use this as an excuse to break off with you, cause he found another though, be careful.

[Newmedicine]

Long distance relationships are generally doomed. He may be using the distance as a way of letting you down easy, too.Statistics show that people generally meet, date, and eventually marry people who live near them. I think the idea of close proximity makes a lot of sense. One thing you haven't mentioned in your posting is where you currently live. I also wonder about your statement, "The truth is I feel I can't live without him...I've never loved this way, and it hurts so much."These statements are the gist of many dramas, but are generally construed as unrealistic in real life. Finally, it sounds like you need to move on, in fact, it sounds as if you need that more than he does.

[emadrid]

Well, most of the answers so far have been rather pesimistic so I decided to tell you my story - and it's optimistic, yes! My boyfriend and I were separated by 3000 km, 3 hours by plane, for 4 years. We visited each other as often as we could (which was every 6-8 weeks, sometimes longer) and we spend the summers together as we were university students and when we started working we always managed to get long holidays. Finally, I moved to his country, took a yearly intensive course of the language, got a job and here we are, celebrating our daughter's first birthday :-) I can't say it was easy, the 4 years we lived apart were really tough, but we knew it was worth it. I agree though with what was said before, it takes 2 to tango, we've had to give up things for the sake of this relationship, it meant constant effort from both of us. And the distance makes it harder. What is important is to be honest with one another, the sooner you find out how he really feels, the better.

[Littlestar]

Sounds he is using distance as an excuse to dump you. Do you think he will be really very happy if you can get a job and stay with him? Tell him you maybe able to get the job soon and see how he reacts.

[navywife_0317]

I am married to someone in the military. You have two options: Love him and have him still break your heart. Or let him go and be happy. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Apparently from what you say you love him more then he loves you. I would cut him loose. Get into counseling. Move on. You don't need your life in turmoil all of the time. Good luck.

[bravo]

u can live without him.........how can he love u ,not do more ,and wants to be free from you!he doesnt want you anymore probably found someone there wherever he is!sorry