Kino
01-09-2008, 05:10 PM
...I really want to repair the relationship. How do I do that? I was in a relationship with this girl for a few months but I never called her my girlfriend because I wanted to be single. However it became a committed relationship minus the labels. Early on I asked her if maybe we could just be friends but she cried and said she could never just be my friend because she liked me too much. I kissed her and told her it was ok but in the back of my mind I felt I had to get her to stop liking me in order to just be friends. I stopped doing nice things and stopped being myself in an attempt to ween her off of me. I really did like her I just was torn about what I wanted. We had a few fights and I broke up with her over an incident at a party where she treated my friends bad but I took her back because she said it was anxiety or something and again I really did like her. Then I guess my method worked and she stopped wanting to be with me all the time. One night I got off work and was really sick with a fever she didn't answer my calls so I broke it off.Anyways I broke up with her with a voicemail which is really not cool at all but I was truly hurt by the fact that I felt ignored and I was feverish. She called me a lot after that but I was sick and I was too angry to talk to her. A couple days later I tried calling her but she ignored me. When we finally did talk it went ok but she didn't want to see me. She went out of town with her friends to visit another friend so a week went by. We talked when she got back but things definitely were not very good. She didn't really like me at all as much. Unfortunately I realized that I really liked her after I broke up with her. I couldn't think about other girls and I was willing to give up my single status to make her my girlfriend. Sometimes she would hangout and we kissed a few times but she was still very cold. Then I went out of town for winter break. I called her everyday and we talked and things went alright we just had nice talks no arguments.Then I found out she was going out of town the day after Christmas to her hometown. I was concerned because the friend she and her girlfriends had gone to visit earlier in my story is a guy from her hometown who she sort of started to like when I was a jerk. So I got a little crazy because I was halfway around the country and she would be doing who knows what with who knows who. We argued that night and the next night and then she ignored me. I went a little crazy and called and txted a lot. I know thats exactly what you aren't supposed to do but I felt powerless and had never been in a situation like that before. I got back and then she got back after New Years but she did not want to see me or talk to me at all. I tried to talk to her and give her her Christmas present but she was totally closed off. Then that same week I threw a couple parties. We weren't talking but I told a mutual friend that my ex could come if she wanted to. She did.On Friday night she just sat with one of her friends who doesn't like me at all and just gave me mean looks all night. I ignored it and had a good time. However Saturday night I had a bigger party she came to this one as well but she was actually cool because her friend wasn't there. She wasn't cool to me though. After a few hours of drinking and getting mean looks from her and watching her flirt with my friends I had had enough. Up until then I was having a really good time. Then all hell broke loose. I was really drunk and she wouldn't really talk or even look at me, even before I was drunk. I made a big scene and said a lot of bad and personal things out loud to my friends and whoever. The night ended with me yelling at her and basically kicking her out of my house. The next night I sent an apology txt. This was a couple days ago. I realize I messed up and have made a lot of errors but I really do love her. Is there any way to make this right?I really am a nice person and I want to treat her like she should be treated. I just am so frustrated because at this point I know exactly what I want and I'm not torn at all about who or where I am right now. I care about her a lot and I know the mistakes I made were horrible but I really want her to know why I did what I did and how I feel. I treated her bad and I want to make things right. This situation is tearing me apart.