Divorce after 2 months of marriage? Am I a failure?

[Keely L]

My husband and I have only been married for 2 months, however we dated for almost a decade. We've had our share of ups and downs, but have always worked through it. The past two months have been really hard. Last night we got into an argument and I have never heard such nasty things come out of his mouth. That I was ugly and obese (I wear a size 2) and that he never wanted to marry me and tried to back out. And he is convinced that I am sleeping with someone (he always thinks this....very insecure). And went on and on in detail about how disgusting and terrible I am. I got very upset and gave him back the wedding ring and he told me he wanted a divorce.I am so upset that I feel like I want a divorce, but I feel like such an idiot after 2 months of marriage to file for divorce. I'm just concerned that he's done some irreversible damage that can't be fixed. I won't ever feel the same about him after the horrible things he said to me. Is it worth trying to work out?

[bungee]

oh boo hoo I'll bet you had nothing to do with any of the friction. it is always the guys fault. Do him a favor and get the divorce.

[Pancakes]

Of course it's worth trying to work out. If it doesn't, you'll know you at least tried your best. There will be some difficult issues to go through, and a professional may help cut through the non-important things. You do need to know exactly why he married you, no matter how much you may dislike the answer.I personally believe divorce is not an option unless adultery, or physical abuse is present.

[mini_gary_kirt]

this man is just a control freak he has to make others feel inadequate to maintain his level of self pride other wise know as an inferiority complex so get away fast you don't need to have a moron at you side or hovering over you

[Vivi]

he was probably drunk! and YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE....he is! try going to a psychiatrice together,,, if he's very stressed at work,, he's probably lettting it all out on you...anger management.....try getting some help for a month,,, and if it dosn't work out,, then i guess its either you get a divorce or live with this horribly tempered person....

[rockerchic821]

Don't give up so easily. What ever happened to "through thick and thin" and "in good times and bad?" He probably just said those things in the heat of the moment. Give him some time to cool down and talk things through.

[larry m ♥]

You both were together for almost a decade, then got married. Some people are happier not being in a commited relationship. Once a couple signs on the dotted line a lot of pressure builds up and they can't handle marriage. The easy way out is to start vicious name calling, which a lot of times is irreversable, and will lead to divorce. Never call yourself a failure. A marriage is two people and if it doesn't work, you share the blame. Hope it works out for you. lol.

[celticbuddha]

nearly a decade together without the ring and paper, and only 2 months with ring and paper and you both can't handle it?!!all i can say is DAMN. and that he is probably having an affair, and has been doing so for quite a while. a lil tidbit that is so obvious, yet so easily missed, the one doing the shit, is the first one to cast the first stone and blame the other for what they themselves are doing. you are not a failure. he had a freak out, and couldn't be upfront and honest with you, nor himself foremost. and that is HIS wrong, not yours. i know how divorce can be embarrassing, regardless of it being 2 months, or 20 years. but you do what is right for you. whether it be marriage counseling, separation (giving the two of you some space and time to figure out what you got yourselves into), or divorce.

[spaceballs]

No! You're not a failure and the marriage is not a failure either, by any means. That sounds like a typical scenario in a married persons life. Please don't believe that most marriages out there are filled with what you consider normal behavoir which would include disrespectful, horrible things directed from one spouse to another. It's growing pains. So what you've been together for ten yrs previous. Obviously it isn't the same as being married for ten years. It isn't. Marriage is a blending of two personalities, habits, families, money, practical conversation, ethics, eating habits, sleeping habits, every kind of preference, grooming,etc. It's going to get intense at times. Why do we admire old married couples? Is it because nothing ever foul comes out of their mouths? It;'s always sunny and pleasant? We can see that they've lived a long time together by the way the handle disagreements and for all non-geniuses that takes some working out, some hands on experience with perhaps visual aids, etc. A lot of people will respond, "Well I nevah,...." Forget those people. I'm telling you so what he's acted like an ass you've never imagined Ghengis Khan acting like. I'm not saying let him off the hook. I'm saying don't you dare throw away all of those years and a fledging marriage b/c he decided to throw a tantrum in a nuclear way. hang in there. Remeber that episode of Seinfeld where George is trying to get his girlfriend to dump him? Hang onto this relationship. It will smooth out if you have confidence in yourself and know that he is going to be ashamed of himself at some point if you keep your chin up and resist jumping in the pig pen with him with the personal assaults to get your way.

[sophielyn]

omg you dated TEN YEARS and cant be married two months? i can't imagine! i think if you "work it out" the rest of your life will be filled with very similar arguments. if you learn or grow from something, its not failure :)

[rose_n_oklahoma]

Lots of questions here besides the one you asked the readers to help you with.. First has he even verbally abused you like this before? does he have reason to say something like you cheating on him (has it really happened) and why get married now after a decade?He may be actually telling you he didnt want to marry you and actually wants out. But from what I am reading in your note, you have a verbally abusive husband and if you ever plan on coming to terms with what he said, you will have to get help from a professional, for both of you together. This marriage is new, so maybe he is scared of the title husband, I don't know, but I have been in similiar situation where I got the heck outta there and we are now friends. So unless you want more name calling slung at you, do find a cheap lawyer and get out now. An annulment is not possible because the marriage was consumated, but unless you are pregnant with his child, you have no assets to divide right now. My best to you and I hope this helps.

[lencor15]

people always say "i wanna break up" all the time in relationships, did you guys do that before you were married? maybe he just said it just to say it, i think you should try to have a real talk with him, dont get mad just let him say what he thinks and what, if you think its bs and hes acting liek hes not trying anymore, ....size 2? maybe you are a lot more attractive than he is? maybe his insecurties have led him to other women, because he dosen't think he deserves you or something? there can be a whole lot of wierd things going through a guys head, try and get him to really talk to you, without fighting, tell him you love him and you wanna be with him....if he really goes through with the divorce than i guess he really wanted it, but if he dosent he wont divorce you just out of spite.