Breaking Up Is Hard To Do--How Do You Do It

[Bronwen]

Gently? Okay, this question is not for my relationship, but for a dear friend who I am supporting as he goes about trying to break up with someone. Here's the story:He was married for more than ten years, and he and his wife were separated for the last three years of their marriage. She was really hard on him and pretty much destroyed his self-esteem. He wanted to try counseling, but she was unwilling to own up to her junk (and still won't), so the marriage tanked. He tried really hard to save things, and it just didn't work.After the divorce, he met a girl and they hit it off really well. For a few months they were inseparable and they decided they would get married. They decided to take things slowly because they have to deal with his ex and the head games she plays with both him and their child. Now it turns out the new girlfriend has some really serious issues, is not willing to own them or work on them, and it just isn't going to work.The new girl is really fragile and prone to serious emotional imbalances. He's trying to be gentle with her while still getting the message across that it just isn't going to work. Every time he tries to talk to her about it, she either goes into crisis mode and threatens suicide, or she changes the subject to some other area of her life which is in crisis. He has discovered that she has a lot of the same issues his ex had, and he just cannot go through that ringer again. He's exhausted from trying to help the current girl, and he wants out, but he wants to be gentle about it. He's afraid she'll do something stupid like attempt suicide, and blame him. How should he approach this? How does he make the final break without sending her over the edge? And what do I do to support him while he's going through this miserable experience?All advice is appreciated.Thanks ;(

[Proggram]

He needs to stop it and be firm about it. It will be hard for him to tell her with confidence that its over, but it is the only way. I think it is impossible to break up gently - some negative feelings will always be there on both sides. He should realize that. This is life and it is never gentle.As for her suicidal threats, if he really cares about her, he should report her to a psychologist, police, I'm not exactly sure to whom, but I bet you can easily google that and find out. She is threatening her life, and threatening him too. That needs to be dealt with.Also as someone already said he should figure out why he is always initially attracted to women like his two last ones. That will greatly help him in future in avoiding hysterical/suicidal women.

[kit walker]

You sure don't make it easy..and either do they themselves..could it be like a repeat of two peas in the pod? From my experience,threatening suicide and actually doing it are two different things..but,of course, you cannot be sure..This is his Catch-22..it could be he has taken on all the guilt of both parties and it's tearing him inside..he needs time to think..away from the web..I would see his daughter and tell her I will be back very soon...and alert the appropriate authorities..to discuss his position and alert them to the possible consequences of his new girls' intentions..emotional blackmail is an old 'trick'..I would split for the country and live under the stars and ponder his future..without the physic 'tug o war' that clouds his vision..wisdom through inner strength.Peace.Kit.