When to say when, on divorce?

[toddmaclea]

I have been separated for about 8 months. I still love my wife and I think she still loves me. We have two young children that I haven't seen since the separation. It was not my decision to leave, nor was it hers. Now, I find myself 1000 miles away from everthing that is important to me and I am scared that the longer the separation lasts, the chance for divorce increases. I want to stay together....one, because I love her....two, because of the kids. Should I just give up and start over? I will always be part of my kids lives, but it hurts me knowing that they won't see me as often. Should I give up everything that I love and start over or should I continue to hold out hope?I forgot to add that the reason we separated is because of alcohol. I was by no means a saint, but she had a serious problem. Her parents, who live in that townand had no idea about HER problem, had me run out of town. I have accepted responsibility for my actions and ahve suffered greatly. She however, has not changed a whole lot.

[neoplop]

Hope, no, because the longer you two don't talk about your feelings, the less likely it is you will get back together.Talk.

[Marion K]

Hope doesn't do a damn thing. Action does. How on earth do you think that living a thousand miles apart is going to help you get back together? If you want to be together, you have to BE TOGETHER. At least in the same area code. Most marriage counselors are based on individual needs. To save your marriage, you need to make sure you see a marriage counselor that is PRO-SAVING MARRIAGE. Read this ... it's long but you will learn a lot. The whole site is awesome. Changed my marriage. http://www.smartmarriages.com/hazardous.htmlThe truth is, most marriages CAN be saved. Good luck to you... I wish you all the best.

[Virginia]

You should try to reconcile because you have young children. Visit your children - why did you go so far away from them? Did you go to counseling prior to leaving?You need to court her, but you are far away. Start slow...don't argue with her at all. In fact, tell her she's right - that's how to get along.You don't say why you are separated.Joy to you.

[chrisdoss125]

I would start talking to her and the kids, step and take control of your like. Call them, fly and visit, do what you got to do. To go forward in life. For me not to be with my kids would break my heart. Father need there kid just as a women. Your kid sound important to you, with you being there for them is what dads our for.

[LeeAnne D]

Go back to courting your wife again! It did it the first time! TALK, TALK, TALK. Go and live in the same town as them, this should prove to her you are serious about the situation.Hopefully she hasn't found someone else, because this could make it really difficult.I really hope it works out for you, good on you for not giving up!Oh and keep saying "I'm sorry" and mean it! This always means alot to a woman.

[harlot j]

If she don't accept the fact nosey parents are causing stress ...sorry blood is thicker than water..... you don't have a chance . If she doesn't see this after all this time ... you need to move on . See your children ...excercise the visitation . leave the children where the family unit is stronger ... w/ grandparents and mom... they r small ...Do not uproot their lives ... Sometimes these things are hard to accept but if your wife isn't willing to go away w/ you and leave the parents then its b/c your problem is very bad . You r not suitable for the marriage to work ... You r not if you r a alcoholic .... A disease you will always have unless you quit for good ... You will always struggle w/ this . make a choice ... Quit or your family.... There may be too much damage now between her and you .... YOU WILL NEED COUNSELING to make this work ...GOOD LUCK.

[COULDbCRAZY]

If she wont get help about her problem.. then you need to move on.. but maybe you could some how get custidy of the kids since the mother isnt too great of one if shes in to drinking. I would defiantely find a place closer to each other so you both can enjoy your children, but i do think your better off leaving her.