Coping with the stillbirth of a sibling?

[sunshinelady2007]

My mother just had a stillbirth just a couple weeks shy of full term due to a cord accident. I've already graduated from college, so this baby was going to be a lot younger than me, but I'm still feeling very, very emotionally distraught over the loss of my brother. Does anyone have any ideas/tried methods that might help me to cope? I need to be brave and strong for my mother, but I feel so helpless and upset right now it's really hard. Any help is appreciated.

[jnnfchar]

I do very sorry for your loss. My prays are with your family.

[ladynamedjane]

read the book A Purpose Driven Life, it explains that to everything there is a purpose. I understand how you feel, my mother had that happen too and you have so many thoughts and hopes for the new baby! I am sorry for the loss!

[br11990]

There isn't much you can do. My aunt had a baby that died an hour after birth. She had two young daughters already and had a hard time with it at first. She had to be strong for her daughters who couldn't really understand what happened. Family, time, and religion helped her get through it. I hope this helps you.

[KaylaK]

My Mother also had two still births...however i was a lot younger when it happend. One of them i was only one and the other was when i was about 5. which i do remember. you can only really cope with it as if it were the death of any one else that was really close to you... cry when you need to, talk to your mom about it. She also probably needs to talk about it. and maybe that would help the both of you. to talk and cry together. It would be a great way to cope and bond with one another.Best of Luck...and Im very sorry for you and your familys loss

[wifey2804]

you know...when I lost my baby at 5 months, it ate at me forever...then i went on to lose 3 more babies...after the last one i lost, i felt i couldnt take it anymore. I was done. I was depressed and angry and all the other emotions...what really helped me was my Miscarriage Jewelry. I googled that and tons of sites came up where you can customize a necklace, bracelet, or ring for about 30-40$ depending on what you get. I got the 4 birthstones of when my babies would have been due, i got a heart with baby's footprints embossed on it, and another smaller heart and on the back, it was engraved "My little angels" All of this was put on a chain and I wear it all the time. I feel like I am just not forgetting my lost babies, i am carrying them with me everyday. This is a really tough situation for your mom and for you too i can imagine. I have been there and done that. I am so sorry...time will heal all wounds, but you are never quite the same, its like a part of your heart leaves with the baby. Just be there for your mom if she wants to talk, let her talk, if she dont, dont be upset...just know that she is going through a terrible time right now. My prayers are with you and your family...try the jewelry, she will love it.

[January Love]

I'm so sorry for your loss. We experienced a still birth last August, and though my children are much younger than you, it hit my oldest (10 yrs. old) the hardest. Fortunately, our hospital gave us some momentos (the baby's blanket, a small teddy bear, and some other small things) that helped. If you don't have anything like that to keep around as a tangible memory, we did something else to heal our loss as well. We planted a tree in our yard. It grows and changes, and is a lovely reminder and place to meditate for us.Best wishes to you and your family.

[yoly_slash]

Crissy? I just had a stillbirth and my daughter is 27 and graduated from college. The baby boy would have been her only brother. She quickly jumped on an airplane to be with me in my time of need. Sometimes when I'm upset she calls or I call her and I'm able to vent. I tell her I'm sorry for venting to her because after all she is carrying the burden to be strong for me. Everyone suffers the pain of a stillborn - brothers, grandparents, aunts. I was so overwhelmed with my pain that I forgot that my mother was suffering the loss of a grandchild, my daughter the loss of a brother, my sister the loss of a nephew. Everyone feels helpless and upset about a stillborn. It is hard. Hopefully you can vent to someone else - a close friend - so you also get support. But let your mom know also that you also are suffering for the loss so she is able to realize that and go easy on you.

[lavenderjune]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know how you feel but I do know how your mother feels. I gave birth to my daughter Emily at 30 weeks into my pregnancy. She had passed away a few days before I gave birth. Losing a child after waiting all those months is so hard. I know you feel like you need be strong for your mom, but you and your mom need eachother right now. If your mom feels comfortable talking about your brother, listen to her, cry with her, hold her, tell her you love her, and tell her it was not her fault for what happened. For years I blamed myself. Talk about your brother as though he exsited, because he did and will always exist in your mothers heart and dreams. Holidays are going to be hard. You can make new traditions, like releasing a balloon in memory of your brother on his birthday or plant a tree/flower for him. Every year I buy a Precious Moments figurine in memory of Emily. She would have been 6 years oldVisit www.nationalshareoffice.com it's a great website for anyone who has lost a child/sibling. It helped me.

[blessedtexasmom]

I am so sorry. You should try to find a support group. I am sure that your mom's OB office would be able to point you in the right direction.